redesign

i'm in the mood to live in a space like this. i can't relate to my wall colours anymore. not that i can afford to do this any time soon but at least it's inspiration for the next living space.

communication breakdown

"weird"

let's discuss what this word means to us. to me it's one of the most positive words i know. i think i generally use it to replace "interesting" but after trying to convince a guy the other night that me calling him "weird" was a massive compliment, i realized i might be alone in this. i am completely attracted to things and people that are curiously bizarre. things i don't quite understand but that none the less, peak my interest. i think most people i know feel the same way but whenever i use the word with a big smile on my face, i get the oddest looks. i also tend to take it as a compliment when i'm called "weird", even though i'm sure it's often not meant that way :)

google image "weird" and this is the first thing that comes up. see how great it is?

oh my, winter's on it's way

i apologize for the many months i've spent without an update but summer is not the time to be on the computer (unless it's your job). with prime time tv back on and the weather making me want to stay inside cuddled on the couch, the internet is seeing much more of my face lately and i have no excuse to ignore bird songs.

i'm still working full time at the wild bird care centre and it's still the best thing in my life. i feel so lucky everyday to have a job i'm so passionate about and be working with people i consider to be such dear friends. lately, it's been all about cuddling with very sick canada geese and driving hawks to the vet for surgery every day.

speaking of birds, a friend of mine sent me this link a few days ago and i think it's worthy of sharing (i already posted it to tracey's blog!). it's a new book of bird photos by andrew zuckerman and they are the most incredible pictures i've ever seen. he's being hailed as the modern day audubon because he uses technology to be able to capture every detail of these animals. his use of the white background makes every image into a portrait. check it out. bird book

dws

he's back. 2 years of silence and pride have all come crashing down and pouring out. with an apology and a look, i took it all back. we're us again and i wish it didn't feel this good because i already know how it ends and it's not pretty. some guys know how to say all the right things. kenza, it's who you think it is. he's my achilles heel :( i fell off the wagon.

i love my job

i knew i liked volunteering at the bird centre but i never realized how much until i started as a full time employee 4 weeks ago. i have never felt more passionate about anything. this really is what i need to do with my life. animal care is my calling. i go in on my days off, i put in unpaid overtime, i go home and cry because i've fallen in love with the sick, it's stressful and overwhelming but there is no where else i'd rather be. i learn new things every hour, and there's still so so much i don't know. i just know i feel as though this is where i belong. now if only i could somehow satisfy that pang in the back of my chest that wants me to wander the planet for months on end...

my social life is mostly on hold. one or two times a week i manage to show my face around town but i mostly work and sleep. my next task is finding more time for my pony.

i think i'll be going to mtl this sunday evening for A Camp. hope to see some ladies i like

today i love these songs

oops

i feel bad because i never want to write about my life anymore. i still don't want to but the guilt is winning out for a quick moment.

i've started my summer job at the bird centre. i work 4 days a week, 10.5 hours a day. it's really tiring and leaves me time for nearly nothing else. when i do have days off, i get to spend them in physio and desperately trying to accomplish household chores. i need to start finding more time for ponies and friends. i'll get into a routine i guess.

it's nice to be a graduate though. i got 100% on my ornithology final so i really went out with a bang. i've even been able to apply some of my new knowledge at work and people seem genuinely impressed. that feels good.

so that's my life lately. i wish my summer was going to be about more than just making money but it really won't. that has to be my first priority, oreo being my second. my social life is going to have to wait.

i've been eating really well lately. calorie counting is more fun than it sounds and very rewarding.

here is a recent picture of me with a paper mache bald eagle

no longer a student

so yesterday i graduated university. it's kind of a strange feeling. i'm starting work at the bird centre in just under 3 weeks so i've got a bit of time to relax for a moment here and potentially do all the things i've talked about doing for months but never had time for. (ie. clean the house, exercise outdoors, read more, do crafts, etc)

i'm also getting irritated and disillusioned by the internet lately. i blame celeb twitters. it's all too much. i'll still check my email every day but school is over and i don't need to be sitting in front of my laptop for hours on end every day anymore. part of me wants to throw the computer out the window and go lie in a field somewhere looking up at the clouds but maybe i'll need to edit down that plan and just head out for a midday bike ride :) later friends

actual bird song content

so i came home from my bird song course this morning (at 10am...it's over by then) and i heard a bird singing in the trees across the street. i didn't know what it was but it was a distinct call that felt familiar so i went to my trusty bird songs field guide and spent ages listening to recordings and finally identified it as a northern cardinal :) i feel that this is a really huge accomplishment and a step in the right direction. i can't wait for more moments like this.

party party

have a great weekend :)

absent minded

i just went to read my daily blog updates and realized i haven't actually been to do this since probably monday. where is my mind? i've lost it somewhere along the line. thesis is over but bird exam is in 5 days and i'm studying all day every day. my goal score is 106%. we'll see if i pull it off.

chances are getting greater and greater that i'll be working full time at the bird centre this summer which is fun and interesting but pays awful and i'll work most weekends. better than nothing though (and better than retail/food industry!) but not my first choice. hopefully i'll find a real career type job in the next year and go from there.

luke and i are planning a road trip to the east coast and we're set to leave in a week. it'll be a nice way to jump start our summer together. i've never been to PEI (our main destination) so i'm looking forward to seeing new things. i just wish it was whale watching season.

party time tonight. i finally get to see a bunch of people i haven't really seen since january because of school. but, as has become usual of me lately, i will be leaving relatively early to go to bed. the stress of school and the job search has left me in a constant state of headachey/tired for the past few weeks. i had blood work done yesterday (i'm already on iron pills though) to see if anything besides stress is to blame. i also get to go for my end of school massage tomorrow morning, thank goodness. the pain in my leg is so severe that i got checked for a blood clot (negative!) so here's hoping tomorrow helps a lot.

i'm sorry

i apologize for neglecting you. the stress is close to ending, i may finish today. but it's sure taken it's toll on me. there is a muscle in my thigh that has been spasming for 4 days now and i feel pressure on my chest not to mention headaches and eye aches. i need some serious massage therapy and love therapy to undo the troubles school has caused me.

this morning i attended my first class of my bird song identification course. i really feel that i'm on my way to becoming a life long birder and naturalist-hobbiest and this fact gives me a tingly happiness. in my dream world, this would be my paying career but those jobs are tough to come by so i won't hold my breath.

i have set fitness goals for the months of april and may and i hope i achieve them. i'm lucky to have a man in my corner now, helping me on. once this rain stops, it'll be jogging/biking/riding season in full force and i'll be out of excuses. i think for graduation i'm getting a new bike like this:

stress city

hi blog friends :)

life has, of course, been hectic with the school year (and my school career) finally winding down. my thesis is due in a few days and i still have more than a bit to do! but i'm taking a weekend break until sunday afternoon. tonight is a girl's night and then a boy night and tomorrow i'm going to a BALL. that's right, and i still don't know what i'm wearing because i've been too busy to go through my closet! i'll make it work somehow.

i'm so excited that in only a week (i say only but it feels miles away) i'll be free from school and have time to build a sewing room, get a new bike, read all day, etc etc insert more wonderful summer things!

new week

spring really is here :) the temperature is still fluttering around zero but the birds are coming back and the sun is getting warmer. i went shopping again yesterday and picked up some really lovely treats including a purse that looks like a picnic basket and some old cowboy boots. if i get around to it i might take pics later. i also just spent two hours driving to 4 malls around the city trying to exchange a shirt for a different size. extremely annoying but i got some kernels popcorn while i was at it :)

i spent most of my weekend being lazy and watching tv with my laptop in front of me. i got a twitter account because that seems to be the thing to do these days add me i also spent many minutes filling my heart on weheartit. i'm semi obsessed

dreams

i just woke up from a dream where i was shopping at my favorite store, young janes and i tried on a floral dress i saw on their blog and it fit so nice that the owners took polaroids of me wearing it and then i went looking for cute flats (as i plan to do this afternoon!) but the store grew and had a whole kind of metal/leather section like a hot topic and i was trying to get out of the area and get back to lace and sandals but there were creepy old men trying to talk to me and blocking me way. i ended up in a section where they sold exotic animals and i started playing with some very cuddly pigeons and noticed a large glass cage with some large animals including a man who had been raised by animals or as an animal or something and this man was a rugged version of james franco and i fell in love with him immediately. we kissed through the glass but it was closing time. i told him i'd come back for him and set him free after everyone else had left but things happened and i couldn't. i think i just woke up. i really like james franco though and i'm excited to go shopping today :)

ponies and good grades

what a week blog friends :) i spent most of it at the farm dog sitting again and working. luke came out and met oreo which was a lot of fun :) i love my little pony. on wednesday i got my midterm mark back from my bird taxonomy course and i got the highest mark in the class, 99%! :) i am still extremely excited and proud. the prof, who can be pretty harsh, even emailed me to congratulate me and said it's a pleasure to have such keen students in his course :) i feel confident that i will do well on the final too and look forward to the most satisfying A+ of my university career.

speaking of careers, i've been meeting with the school's career counselor over the past few weeks and am working on applying for summer jobs and thinking about what to do after that. i hope things work out because i really don't want to settle for anything mundane or unfulfilling. i'm sending out a bunch of resumes this weekend but i have a lot of cover letters to write. we'll see what happens.

i'm a bit stuck about designing this website for my thesis. i've never really designed a website before and i want it to look professional but feel a bit lost. hopefully i can work on that this weekend too. but tonight is all about fun :) bringing the date to meet the friends! i hope they adore each other as much as i adore them all :)

love that weekend

i've been a bit overwhelmed with busy-ness as of late and have therefore decided to take the whole weekend off. i'm going to tidy and organize, read for fun..maybe watch some movies. absolutely no homework though :) maybe i'll ride my pony tomorrow if it's really sunny. and maybe go out tomorrow night but i might just want to be alone :)

today i did a bit of shopping for myself and bought a bunch of spring tops, skirts and dresses. the only reason i'm tempted to go out tomorrow night is to show off a cute new outfit. also i got my bangs cut shorter and straighter.

tomorrow night is spring forward. this fact has made me endlessly excited all week long. i'm ready.

hol-e-shit

flashcards

i've combined studying with arts&crafts to make 135 flashcards for my birds midterm next tuesday. it's a lot of work so i hope it pays off with a juicy A+. i had to cut my favorite bird book into pieces in order to make these. besides the stresses of school work, my life is looking pretty perfect lately :) also, i want to learn how to do this lauren conrad updo. it's so pretty.

dance baby dance

Bird Shakes His Tailfeather @ Yahoo! Video

this is how i'm studying for my ornithology quiz today

reckless abandon

i'm supposed to be academically focused but instead i'm constantly daydreaming about kissing and hand holding. charlotte, your outfit was a success :) i had to switch the jacket to a black cardigan and the boots to grey chucks but i felt good and it seems to have been a hit. i'll have to handle outfit #2 on my own for today's encounter :)

homage to america

time for another music video post like kenza and iain do. this one contains my favorite songs aboot america.

first up is my love, my obsession, my muse, mr. david bowie. this song reminds me of roller skates and childhood summers and milkshakes on warm evenings. which is really all i want at the moment. this video gets even better when he dances.



next is another favorite, tom petty. this is by far my favorite song he's done and always reminds me of fast times at ridgemont high (which is a good thing). the beginning of this song always picks me up when i'm feeling down. also reminds me of summer time and a life free of worry and responsibility.


American Girl (Live Midnight Special 1978) - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

keeping with the title theme, last year's estelle and kanye team-up. i realize the song got a little played out but it really reminds me of my trip to thailand last summer and brings nothing but good feelings and incredible memories.


American Boy [Feat. Kanye West] - Estelle

lastly, a long time favorite, murphy's law. this band embodied young america in the 80's. my pick for this post was America Rules but i could only find a video for three songs together. this doesn't bother me because they are all great and all about america. this band has a lot to do with the person i've turned into ironically enough.

love, love, love

happy valentine's day lovers :) last night was intellectually romantic. a glimmer of hope perhaps.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Kingsford Goes to the Beach - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

i want to make one

love this. from a cup of jo

we walk around pretending we're all grown up

Rich Girls Video

Behati Prinsloo is foxy

dress forms

i want a dress form just for personal use but all the ones i have found are like $200+ the only option i've seen that has made any sense is the duct tape homemade dress form but that's so budget. do any of you fashion makers know of good dress form deals?

farm sitting

life is continuing on and i think i'm dealing well. my heart feels heavier in my chest and i think about her every second but i don't think i show it. thank goodness for oreo and for billie's baby, opal. i've been spending a lot of time with the two of them. i'm living at the farm for three weeks at the moment. i'm one week in (and what a week it's been). i didn't like it at first. the nights are quiet and lonely and spooky, but i'm getting used to it. i'm supposed to be out here writing my thesis but i haven't done a thing. i applied for a job yesterday but that's all i've accomplished. maybe monday :(

it's been 72 hours since she left. the only reason i believe it is because i stroked her face and there was no life inside. i miss her.

rest in peace

this morning i lost one of the best teachers i've ever had. i'm going to miss her more than i can describe.

its a kittens kind of morning

cough me a river

i haven't made a real entry in a few days because i have nothing to talk about besides my sickness but i feel i'm ready to give in and let you all know just how it's been. the first few days were the fever days, and i spent every evening calling my mom with my cell phone from downstairs and quietly moaning into the phone for her to come fix me. she tried her best, wiping the pathetic tears from my eyes and pressing cold compresses onto my forehead but nothing really helped. i was too uncomfortable to sleep but the lights made me crazy so i just lay in the dark for days on end. finally tuesday night i was able to fall asleep and slept for 12 hours. last night i slept another 10. my fever has given way to coughing fits and utter exhaustion not to mention constant nausea. i managed to spend the first two days in bed but tuesday i had a test at school (i got an A!) and last night was my best friend's birthday dinner which i managed to drag myself to. today i got tattooed for 3 hours and although i know i'm starting to get a bit better, i can only hope none of the people i've encountered in the last few days will get this sickness because as we all know, it's horrific. i hope tonight holds another good sleep and tomorrow a much better feeling day.

go veg

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

wow

choices

"Over a meal of fried plantains and bony fish from the Chari River, she told me that, among the variety of aid workers, two broad categories stood out: the runners and the seekers. The runners were fleeing their past lives; the seekers were looking for adventure or enlightenment. She was a runner, she said, but offered no details.

She went on to say that she had reached a point in her life where she must make a choice. She was thirty-three, young enough to return to her country and try to establish a life with marriage, children, and a home. Or she could continue on as she was, with reassignments every few years and little chance for marriage and children. “Look around,” she said, “and you’ll see that this business is full of women thirty-five to forty-five who are strong, competent, good at what they do, and single.” She had never had a long-term relationship. She must make a choice, she said. It seemed to me that she already had."Lives of the Saints

growing up

yesterday i attended the wedding of one of my oldest friends. the group of us girls have stayed pretty solid since elementary school and alana was the first of us to marry (and change her name). i am a pretty big sucker for weddings anyways but i started bawling after this one. i grabbed my friends who were close to me and told them how happy i was that we've stayed together through it all and how happy i am that we all have grown into such incredible and different people. i feel so lucky to have been a part of their lives. the wedding was beautiful and the food was delicious. i wore a short dress and caught an awful bug from going too wild last night. i'm sicker today than i've been since my spanish bronchitis last summer :( my mom has been trying to take care of me with back rubs, soup and cold compresses but my fever is raging and the tears are streaming :( sickness sickness go away. here's a picture of my lovely friend having her first dance with her sweetheart of a husband on the ice at night in a heart of candle bags.

you may kiss the bride

are you kidding

i was just paroozing through whowhatwear.com and found that Free People are actually trying to market riding breaches as the new style of leggings. i spent my teen years embarrassed to be seen out in public in these things and even now that i'm old enough to care less what people think, i still don't consider myself fashion forward when i'm heading out to the farm. these are functional gear people. inner knee grip pads and velcro ankles are not going to be seen on me at clubs or on dates. no way

world town

i am looking for african and indian music recommendations please. current, young, goodasshit music please. i can't get enough of the small bit i listen to but i don't really know how to find more stuff so i'm looking to my musical forward friends for suggestions. barber and kenza (and maybe iain?) i'm looking in your directions please! not to discount anyone else but i feel they are the most likely to listen to this type of stuff. barber i know you do so please read this and respond

more dresses please

pretty dresses - by highromance on Polyvore.com

i would do anything to be able to wear these right now instead of doubling up on sweat pants and hiding from the cold on my couch.

last night was fantastic. old friends, new friends, different city and lots of laughter. i drove more hours than i slept for :)

one night only

i'll be in montreal tomorrow evening overnight until friday morning. if you are sexy and you wanna have fun, get at kenza for dinner, party or breakfast outings :) i haven't seen you faux frenchies in way too long

dreaming of fashion

warm boots and pizza by highromance


wild horses by highromance

this website is really taking up a lot of my time but i love it

summer longing

summer longing by highromance

charlotte! best website :) thanks for the find!

nifty kitty

grump

this morning i woke up with a really painful lump at the top of my neck under my jaw. i thought it was a muscle knot cause i have too many of those in my neck but my mom said there isn't much muscle there and it might be a sist :( what the heck it better not be. all i know is the lump and pain haven't gone away all day. hopefully it sleeps off.

on a completely unrelated and much happier note, please watch this hilarious video. it's a clip from the show "how i met your mother" when one of the characters reveals that she was a canadian teen pop sensation in the 80s. this is her canadian music video "let's go to the mall" and don't forget the robot

real men

sitting around with my guy friends last night watching gore and porn actually happened to be great for the self image. it's nice to hear real men talk about how hot they get for real looking women. real stomachs, real curves and small, pretty breasts. i love fashion and beautiful celebs as much as the next chick but too much looking at those long, slender arms and legs can make me start to feel like a bit of a dumper. it's so nice to be reminded that the real men we really want want the real women we really are :)

out of africa

"She could be hurt, or worse!"
"I imagine she knows that."

field trips

yesterday i went on a school field trip to observe waterfowl all afternoon. i met a pretty massive cutie who was also a bird expert and i followed him around asking questions but on the way back to school he casually put it into the conversation that he had a gf. OF COURSE. he would have been a bad date anyways. seemed like kind of a know-it-all but what can i say, i'm a sucker for scruffy hair and blue eyes that can identify the subtle differences between icelandic, herring and glaucous gulls. here are some pictures of a few of the birds i saw that i had never seen before.

male common goldeneye-my most exciting sighting of the day


female common merganser-i've seen these at the bird centre before but they are still magnificent


female black duck-didn't even know this species existed until yesterday. probably always mistook them for female mallards. only now do i realize how ignorant that was.


glaucous gull-another species i never knew about. the same large size as the greater black-back gull but with much lighter colouration

going to america

this friday or saturday i finally get to drive down to ogdensburg, ny to pick up some american food treats as well as 4 packages being held at the ups store for me. among my many lovely items will be these gems.

picking insects off leaves

i just sent an apology email to a guy i went on one date with 3 years ago, because i was kind of a bitch to him and never explained why at the time (there was a reason that had nothing to do with him). i'm not sure if it's a good idea to rehash stuff like that so long after the fact but i figure saying nice things to people is never a bad idea. if you have nothing good to say, keep it to yourself but if you have something good to say, you should always, always say it. making people feel good makes you feel good :)

i'm almost finished knitting my very first scarf and it looks pretty lovely if i may say so myself. today i met my first whitewing crossbill at work and tomorrow i am going on a 4 hour field trip to look at waterfowl. all i want to do lately is go to the movies and as much as i love going to movies alone, i have these dumb 2 for 1 passes that i have to use up before the end of the month and i'm not having an easy time finding movie dates. everyone is too busy, poor, or has bad cinematic taste. check out this madly cute spider pic that made my day.

thank you charlotte

about a year ago, you told me about your favorite horoscope and i was blown away month after month by how accurate it could be and how much better it made me feel. but after a while, i didn't need the pick me up as much and the horoscopes weren't as exciting so i drifted away and forgot. this morning you sent me just what i needed again: the friendly reminder to explore the stars for answers, reassurance and direction.

well i just finished my read and what an exciting year i seem to have ahead of me! new love and unparalleled creative opportunities :) that's all i really want. i'm skeptical about the love part but it said this was the first time i've had such strong astrological support since sept 04-oct 05, those being the exact dates of my last batch of loves! it's been a dry spell like i never knew possible and at this point, i'm not even convinced i'm ready or want new love but if it's gonna be right, i sure as hell won't fight it. i guess we'll see what happens in a month or two.

as for the creativity, i hope it comes pouring out through school and art and i hope i read more and waste less and exercise more and eat less and edit more and clutter less. this is beginning to sound like a list of resolutions. maybe this is how i make mine

it's a new year why do i feel the same

i feel like i'm suffocating under the pressures of time and motivation. the holidays were wonderful but i was busier than i could handle and after times like that, i feel the need to shut myself off and out for a while until the desire returns to interact with other human beings. through all the busy-ness i kept telling myself that come january 5th, things would stop piling up and i'd be free to explore my own brain by myself for months on end. no real job, no classes left, no guys taking up my time...only books, organizing, creative exploits and learning (oh and that giant elephant in the corner called my THESIS).

well it's day 3 of real life and i'm already feeling the weight of the world standing back outside my door. i can't understand why it won't all just stop coming. i have committed to doing a video for revenue canada (don't even ask it's dumb) which is due by next monday, i have a meeting with my thesis supervisor tomorrow to show him what i've done over the past 2 months and unfortunately for my stress levels, the answer is NOTHING. i saw my credit card balance on monday and realized i spent about $2000 more than i realized over the holidays. and as per usual, the first thing i do when dealing with panicky money stress is to shop online. so i made a few amazon orders and i, of course, only feel worse for it. i was supposed to go skating tonight with my friends but i didn't feel like i could handle it. with my sore leg and the weather i felt like it would be too much. worst excuses and i could hear that but i'm just a debbie downer tonight and now i'm shut inside watching the wire instead of doing thesis research.

i registered for another class too so even though i could be finished school, i decided to get right back in. i started my first knitting project: a white scarf. so far i think it looks pretty good but it's only about 2" long at the moment. all i want to do is reorganize my entire apartment and throw out half of everything and set up a creative project room and make things and write things and feel useful and fulfilled but instead i just sit here stressing about how stuck i feel and watching the hours go by while accomplishing nothing. i need more time. no. i need to make better use of my time.

i got a new phone though. just so i could spend even more money.