slightly overwhelmed

it's difficult to write a small amount when you have a lot to say. i've been avoiding the blog over the past ten days because of the overwhelming amount of stories i have to tell and thoughts i have in my head. perhaps someday, when my head is less full, i'll be able to write interesting accounts of these events with clearer words and a sense of humour.

in brief, our truck caught on fire and burned to the ground on christmas eve in new brunswick, my mother got engaged, i missed some important events in ottawa due to flight cancelations and spent the night in pearson airport, my car battery died last night and i had to rely on some good friends to help me get it to the shop and pick it up today, and i have a wonderful american boy coming to visit me tomorrow. tonight is new year's eve and i really wish i was spending it in montreal but i have canine responsibilities and will therefore be party hoping in ottawa, trying to score some hot lips at the stroke of midnight :) love out to the blogging world xoxo have a great end to the year

oh ps. i got a slightly new do

whoa 2002

i just came across some footage of one of the best shows i've ever been to: the first night of posi #s 2002 featuring a no warning set where an edge ben cook spits beer all over the crowd and then barfs on them, and does a murphy's law cover, and the cro mags set where harley and jon josef are playing together. many people who have talked to me about hardcore may have heard me tell a story about this night where i "almost fight harley's wife". if you REALLY know me, you know that i would never almost fight anyone and low and beyold, this video actually SHOWS this event happening!! during the cro mags songs at around 11:00, you see me standing in a good spot taking pictures, his wife coming over and saying something to me, and me moving aside so she can take my spot. i look slightly annoyed but that is about as far as this supposed fight goes! i was really really pissed off though and in my memory, i was ready to rip harley's unborn child out of her womb. but to the outside eye, i just stand there and do nothing. i am blocking half the camera the whole time though with my elbow and i'm wearing a really embarrassing outfit that includes a red straight edge shirt (it actually might have been an afi shirt now that i think about it) and a camo bandana. 17 wasn't really a year of great style for me but at least i didn't have black hair anymore. video link here! i also enjoyed the suicide file shout out to say goodbye and all the south MA bands because this was a good 2 years before i knew who any of them were.

i need better boots

my new boots are adorable but the suede leeks black and pink stains onto my socks when they get wet. i need some serious winter hiking boots so that i can take long walks in the middle of the night. i feel like i need to turn into a writer. i've got so much to say and no one to say it to. sometimes i try to share the inner workings of my mind but usually i avoid that because when people inevitably don't "get" me, i tend to feel more alone than ever. with no real outlet, i just feel like the thoughts flow around into a giant mess inside my head and the good ones tend to get lost forever. i've never been able to keep a private journal because i don't know how to write to no one but i think i should start giving it a try. i feel that it would be a good step for me and might allow me to set some more concrete goals for myself.

"jealousy kills girl love" gtfanzine

girls should never be JEALOUS of other girls. they should instead ADMIRE girls with success and allow themselves to be INSPIRED to become more admirable themselves :)

an iain campbell post

i should really be studying but instead, have decided to take a moment to share some really lovely songs i'm loving at the moment. two of these three videos have been inspired by (stolen from) blogs i follow (and love).

the first is an adorable french chick that iain turned me onto that i just can't get enough of. she is called coeur de pirate and all you montreal kids probably heard about her 4 years ago or something but i don't pretend to know stuff first. this song makes me feel so damn good and i hope you all feel the same way when you watch this :)



the second song is one of my all time favorite men, walter schreifels, doing an agnostic front cover and making it amazingly beautiful. spoiler's blog is where i first saw this in youtube form some weeks ago. i am really in love with walter. years ago he told me he liked my elephant tattoo and i couldn't even say anything because he was wearing a cape and i was so turned on.



finally, i just got this year's release from fleet foxes and i really love it. this video is cute because of all the goats. i love goats.



you know how there are those amazing people who just seem to be 3 steps ahead of the game when it comes to music or fashion or trends or just knowing what's cool before anyone else knows about it, well as much as i respect and admire people like that, i know i unfortunately will never be one of them. i try to surround myself with them in order to at least be 1 step ahead of the truly clueless but for the most part, i just feel like my whole life i haven't even been on that same path. i'm on a parallel path that's just close enough so i can sometimes see what's going on if i look but i mostly get too distracted by interesting insects and fuzzy woodland creatures

love should be free and encouraged

i just saw one of the most incredible movies i've ever witnessed. it was passionate, interesting, informative, moving, entertaining...it was Milk, starring sean penn, and two of my biggest hollywood crushes, james franco and emile hirsch. it's based on a true story about Harvey Milk, who is basically the man responsible for starting the gay civil rights movement in san fransisco in the 70s. it really just a story about people fighting to be who they are in a country so full of hate and fear. but it was really beautiful. the acting and story were just incredible. i really can't say enough good about this film. it a great movie to see if you are a gay rights supporter but really important to see for people who don't understand or feel comfortable with the gay lifestyle because i think it portrays the characters in a really relatable way. 7 thumbs up and i hope (and expect) that it will get oscar nods along the board. go see it tonight!



in other news, tonight is going to be all about pad thai, 3D cartoons and kissing :) my favs!

long eyelashes and a velvet nose

update: i bought her. or, have committed to buying her. at first i was freaking out a little. mark called me this morning and said someone else was offering to buy her and pick her up today so did i want her or not and i was just like uhhhhhhh yes. so then i hung up and started crying i don't know why. i was shaking. i think i was just really overwhelmed. i mean, i've been riding since i was born, taking lessons for 17 years, and my family could never afford a horse for me. all the other kids had horses but i always had to ride my coaches horses or my friends' horses. i had horses that i loved and even a few horses that i leased but i've never had one to take care of and call my own and it's a really big deal. but i know i chose the perfect one for me. i've always felt like oreo and i were exactly alike. if i were a horse, i'd be oreo and if she were a human, she'd be me. i think after a few hours it's starting to sink in and i'm getting really really excited :) i've also decided to apply for government temp jobs in order to finance this big event.

big decision

today the love of my young life, and one of my best friends, was offered to me at the price of $1000 or make me an offer. either i buy her, or she is getting sold to strangers, and i'll never see her again. buying a horse is like getting an expensive puppy. it's a big commitment. especially for someone who is going to be traveling for the next few years like i am. i can afford it, but it would be a purely sentimental purchase. i've known and loved her for the past 6 years, but have been especially close to her for the past 3 or 4. i have to decide in the next few days whether to make this little lady a permanent fixture in my life for the next decade and a half ish. i love her more than words can even describe. she is the sweetest most fun and loving soul on the planet and the thought of her leaving is gut wrenching enough for me to fork out a grand and end up with a pony. ugh i don't know what to do but i think i kind of do.



oreo and i competing at the nepean national equestrian park in 2007

in my life

things are just fantastic lately. maybe even more so than usual. today is the last day of the worst diet in history (no sugar, flour, yeast or dairy for 12 days!) and i have but one exam left until being done school forever. i've been buying all sorts of new treats and trinkets for myself even though i don't have a real job. i've started a lovely parrot on my arm which is getting coloured in a week and a day.

christmas is my second favorite season next to summer and everything feels all warm and fuzzy. mostly christmas parties with friends but even staying home by myself with movies and blankets. last night i watched home alone and cried happy tears when the next door neighbour reunites with his estranged son. then i enjoyed a late night surprise phone call with an old friend who i'll get to start seeing much more of in the near future. friends and ponies are going to make today just as great. i also got every issue of this in the mail today! i know what i'm doing this evening :)

enjoy this silly dog picture and have a great day!

amputation

today i had the privilege of observing some minor surgery done on the leg of a ring-billed gull. the poor guy came in recently with his leg basically dangling by a thread. they wrapped it to try to get it to set together but nothing was happening so they decided this morning that his best bet for a good life would be amputation of the lower leg. there was only skin and a bit of tendon to cut through, but i still felt ill when i saw that they would be using scissors while the gull was fully awake! birds are incredibly resilient creatures and never cease to amazing me with how well they deal with injury. there was a fair bit of bleeding but some stitches and lots of pressure took care of that after a few minutes and he was wrapped up and should be able to be released come spring. just another interesting day on the job!

the leg before shot.



stitching up the remaining leg



already standing and eating only minutes later

best of bird songs

the lyre bird shows us why birds are the most amazing by imitating every sound he's ever heard to impress the ladies. i am supposed to be cramming for my ornithology final right now and this is probably not the best way.

growing up

i finally did it. today, i finished the entire series of beverly hills 90210, all 10 seasons. it's taken me about a year and a half from beginning to end and i did the last two seasons in just over a week. the past few nights some of the characters in my dreams included dylan, kelly and donna so i think it probably is best that i start to move on but i am a little sad it's done. i really love this show. 

who i voted for

i love these girls and i hope one of them wins but it's probably going to be nico unfortunately. this is the first time i've voted in 8 years of watching reality tv. i'm very invested. dancing moves me.

why i don't date

this sums it up pretty well. the opposite sex is annoying me more than ever lately. "no dates in 08" is easing right into "my time in 09" and i'm pleased about the prospects of focusing more than ever on me and who i'd like to become.

love your levi's

cardinals

i wonder if we'll get any of these guys at the centre this winter. as much as i hope wild birds never get hurt, i like learning about different species when they arrive and comparing their behaviours. i would also be interested to see some grouse or terns.

bad dreams

i just woke up from a dream in which i had to ward off attempted sexual assault from the husband of a close friend of my mothers and then, later in the dream, i was with some friends by a lake and we noticed a moose swimming in the water quietly. we stopped to watch, and it was the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen. then it became a large buck and we noticed a doe swimming as well. then it became a wolf and started swimming towards us. we began moving to my car but it reached land and became a bear. we started running to my car even though you aren't supposed to run from bears and as i reached my car, i realized the bear wasn't chasing us, but had gone back towards our friend that was still in the woods. we started screaming his name and i woke up then in complete fear.

in better news, i drank a lot of delicious juice in the dream and now i'm drinking it in real life

must love owls

last night i was at the house party of an adorable guy when i noticed the pattern on his comforter. all signs point to owl lover

nostalgia circa summer 2005

alright this is gonna be kind of long but this weekend and this show meant too much to me to write 3 sentences about it. also if you read about this somewhere else (my myspace, LJ, etc.) its just copy and pasted cause i'm clearly not gonna write multiple versions of the same thing.

this weekend, fate tried throwing a lot of obstacles my way. maybe to see how bad i really wanted it but either way, sometimes the things that are the most difficult are also the most worthwhile and this weekend renewed my belief in that statement.

these obstacles included:
-having all the ottawa kids bail on me 2 weeks ago (i'm not trying to shit talk people but that DID happen) and not being able to find anyone else who would drive down or bus with me.
-having the person i finally planned to go with bail on me ONE minute before i left the house to catch a bus to their city
-locking myself out of my apt one hour before my bus left with no way of getting in or getting my bus ticket and all my bags (had to knock out an air conditioner and climb in a window)
-being on the bus on my way and realizing i didnt have ANYONES phone number including the person who i needed to meet up with in new york city and spending from 10pm that night to 10:30am the next day trying to get her #
-concequently having to wait by myself in the NYC bus station for 6 hours while some lunitic was screaming in my face "I AM MORE THAN MAN I AM GODDDD"
-NYC being the most unbarably hot i've ever been and then getting caught in THREE downpours in 2 days and being unbarably cold and shaking
-being able to eat 3 meals over those 3 days and almost passing out in line because of it
-having some of the people i was with get on the sick of talk guest list and therefore stop caring about waiting in line and worrying about getting in.
-nearly getting sun stroke in line
-sleeping in on sunday and getting to the line late
-having everyone with tickets laugh at me and rub it in my face while i was on the verge of tears(or at least pretty bummed)

i cant do the rest of this in point form its too much. basically we didnt line up saturday night because we kept checking CBs and no one was there yet and with all these rumours about getting kicked out of line from the cops, we didnt really know how to proceed. i wanted to wake up real early sunday and go but i guess no one else really cared too much cause i woke up at 10 and everyone was just sitting around and no one had woken me up. i seriously was feeling pretty hopeless this whole weekend. i tried to keep up my PMA but i was cranky/bummed/tired most of the time.

so we get to the line around 11:30 and its sort of big. not too big but maybe like 100 kids. it will take forever to give good details so basically there seemed little hope of them letting any of us in. rumours were flying around the line though which just got frusterating. i watched arthur get the people at the front of the line on the list and i almost cried with frusteration cause i wanted that to be me! i felt desperate and upset. we got in line anyways though and after a while everyone i was with left to get food or shop or whatever and i spent the most grueling, depressing, hot, uncomfortable 2 hours standing by myself feeling weak, seeing spots (combination of heat and not eating)

then all of a sudden i'm talking to a friend and i see civ walk by and my friend was just like wow i have never seen a sadder face (cause all i am thinking is wow there is fucking civ and i am not getting in to see this and i want to die) but then civ stops a few meters in front of me with this notebook and kids start crowding around so i am like holy shit and i dive into this mass of kids and push my way to the front and people are saying i came from cali i came from new hampshire and civ is PUTTING THEM ON A GUESTLIST and i start yelling I'M FROM CANADA I'M FROM CANADA 15 HOURS ON A BUS. and civ was like wow canada that counts whats your name? so he wrote down margo canada and that was that. i walked back to my friend not knowing what the hell just happened. was this a list of people they were TRYING to get in or was it for real?? so i stayed in line and some of my friends came back from eating and it just started POURING. there was this crazy wind too and everyone went from the hottest they'd ever been to the coldest and i felt like i was gonna get really sick. it just kept pouring rain too for like half an hour and finally some security guard came down the line saying "if you have tickets or are on a list go to the front" and so my friends wished me luck and i ran through the rain to the front. i was waiting in line with these huge dudes it was so weird. like total NYHC dudes from the 80s. sweet pete was right in front of me too and it was just cool. like there was no VIP people anymore. everyone was there for hardcore and everyone was on the same level. the guestlist was actually pretty obsolete cause it was just full of strangers (and in the end everyone who stuck it out in line got in)

ACTUAL SHOW CONTENT:

the first 3 bands were fine but really didnt matter. everyone was there for one reason only and that was pretty clear. after black train jack there was over an hour break before GB while they brought everyone inside who was still out in line. the place filled up and everyone stood there waiting for GB to come on and heckling the sound guys and security on stage ("START TODAY") finally they come out on stage and people start clapping and over the speakers you just hear the horns at the beginning of new direction and the entire room just EXPLODES. i have never seen or felt anything like that in my life. 400 people just lost their minds and were screaming the words at the top of their lungs climbing on each other hanging on things. i honestly cant describe how this felt. i have been to insane shows many times but nothing felt like this. people can say that with reunion shows, you cant capture the feeling of how the band really was and what it meant to people at that time, the urgency and origanality of what happened back then. but this brought an entirely different feeling i think. like these guys and this band arent like our fellow hardcore kids, they are our idols basically. like hardcore all stars or something. people who actually made a difference in our lives years ago with their music and their message. a band that probably got everyone in that room into hardcore. this was a feeling that they couldnt have back then that we can have now. a feeling that makes you want to wait in line overnight.

they went straight from new direction into stand still and i think these 6 minutes were probably the best of my life. after stand still i was litterally SHAKING. like my muscles were spasming because of the adrenaline rushing through my body and my excitement. that has never happened to me at a show before. maybe when i've been playing sports or something but thats it. it was incredible

they ended up playing everything they'd ever written including bsides and stuff. they mustve played for like an hour but i wasnt checking my watch or anything. they were everything you hoped they would be. civ was even x-ed up. he talked about hardcore about saving CBs about loving your scene, he was seriously the most positive dude. they even were throwing out free tshirts to the crowd. like 2 boxes full. i didnt get one but oh well i have the memories.

the only semi rockstar thing they did was leave the stage after pretending high hopes was their last song but they hadnt played start today yet so everyone just kind of stood their knowing they were coming back haha. ending on start today was insane. i love this band. i love hardcore. i love that all the shit i had to go through just made me appreciate it more. i love my life

after the show i talked to arthur and civ and shook hands with both of them and i can pretty much die down except i dont want to die because my life rules.

also more stupid shit happened after the show such as our car battery dying and having to get a boost and getting caught in the 3rd downpour AFTER changing into dry clothes and having the craziest storm every driving back to baltimore and thinking we might die. but it was sort of all a laugh after that show. like nothing could bring us down.

seriously. i love hardcore. sorry i felt the need to give so many details but i'm glad i wrote this down so i can remember a bit of how this felt.

hey

hello margaux? this is iain campbell....you added me to facebook a few days ago.

the wonder years

antm

anyone else disappointed in last night's finale? face it, i can't have a blog that doesn't discuss my opinions on reality television. here are some pics of the girl who should have won. what a fox

thank goodness for this

what a treat :)

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