absent minded

i just went to read my daily blog updates and realized i haven't actually been to do this since probably monday. where is my mind? i've lost it somewhere along the line. thesis is over but bird exam is in 5 days and i'm studying all day every day. my goal score is 106%. we'll see if i pull it off.

chances are getting greater and greater that i'll be working full time at the bird centre this summer which is fun and interesting but pays awful and i'll work most weekends. better than nothing though (and better than retail/food industry!) but not my first choice. hopefully i'll find a real career type job in the next year and go from there.

luke and i are planning a road trip to the east coast and we're set to leave in a week. it'll be a nice way to jump start our summer together. i've never been to PEI (our main destination) so i'm looking forward to seeing new things. i just wish it was whale watching season.

party time tonight. i finally get to see a bunch of people i haven't really seen since january because of school. but, as has become usual of me lately, i will be leaving relatively early to go to bed. the stress of school and the job search has left me in a constant state of headachey/tired for the past few weeks. i had blood work done yesterday (i'm already on iron pills though) to see if anything besides stress is to blame. i also get to go for my end of school massage tomorrow morning, thank goodness. the pain in my leg is so severe that i got checked for a blood clot (negative!) so here's hoping tomorrow helps a lot.

stress city

hi blog friends :)

life has, of course, been hectic with the school year (and my school career) finally winding down. my thesis is due in a few days and i still have more than a bit to do! but i'm taking a weekend break until sunday afternoon. tonight is a girl's night and then a boy night and tomorrow i'm going to a BALL. that's right, and i still don't know what i'm wearing because i've been too busy to go through my closet! i'll make it work somehow.

i'm so excited that in only a week (i say only but it feels miles away) i'll be free from school and have time to build a sewing room, get a new bike, read all day, etc etc insert more wonderful summer things!

it's a new year why do i feel the same

i feel like i'm suffocating under the pressures of time and motivation. the holidays were wonderful but i was busier than i could handle and after times like that, i feel the need to shut myself off and out for a while until the desire returns to interact with other human beings. through all the busy-ness i kept telling myself that come january 5th, things would stop piling up and i'd be free to explore my own brain by myself for months on end. no real job, no classes left, no guys taking up my time...only books, organizing, creative exploits and learning (oh and that giant elephant in the corner called my THESIS).

well it's day 3 of real life and i'm already feeling the weight of the world standing back outside my door. i can't understand why it won't all just stop coming. i have committed to doing a video for revenue canada (don't even ask it's dumb) which is due by next monday, i have a meeting with my thesis supervisor tomorrow to show him what i've done over the past 2 months and unfortunately for my stress levels, the answer is NOTHING. i saw my credit card balance on monday and realized i spent about $2000 more than i realized over the holidays. and as per usual, the first thing i do when dealing with panicky money stress is to shop online. so i made a few amazon orders and i, of course, only feel worse for it. i was supposed to go skating tonight with my friends but i didn't feel like i could handle it. with my sore leg and the weather i felt like it would be too much. worst excuses and i could hear that but i'm just a debbie downer tonight and now i'm shut inside watching the wire instead of doing thesis research.

i registered for another class too so even though i could be finished school, i decided to get right back in. i started my first knitting project: a white scarf. so far i think it looks pretty good but it's only about 2" long at the moment. all i want to do is reorganize my entire apartment and throw out half of everything and set up a creative project room and make things and write things and feel useful and fulfilled but instead i just sit here stressing about how stuck i feel and watching the hours go by while accomplishing nothing. i need more time. no. i need to make better use of my time.

i got a new phone though. just so i could spend even more money.