nostalgia circa summer 2005

alright this is gonna be kind of long but this weekend and this show meant too much to me to write 3 sentences about it. also if you read about this somewhere else (my myspace, LJ, etc.) its just copy and pasted cause i'm clearly not gonna write multiple versions of the same thing.

this weekend, fate tried throwing a lot of obstacles my way. maybe to see how bad i really wanted it but either way, sometimes the things that are the most difficult are also the most worthwhile and this weekend renewed my belief in that statement.

these obstacles included:
-having all the ottawa kids bail on me 2 weeks ago (i'm not trying to shit talk people but that DID happen) and not being able to find anyone else who would drive down or bus with me.
-having the person i finally planned to go with bail on me ONE minute before i left the house to catch a bus to their city
-locking myself out of my apt one hour before my bus left with no way of getting in or getting my bus ticket and all my bags (had to knock out an air conditioner and climb in a window)
-being on the bus on my way and realizing i didnt have ANYONES phone number including the person who i needed to meet up with in new york city and spending from 10pm that night to 10:30am the next day trying to get her #
-concequently having to wait by myself in the NYC bus station for 6 hours while some lunitic was screaming in my face "I AM MORE THAN MAN I AM GODDDD"
-NYC being the most unbarably hot i've ever been and then getting caught in THREE downpours in 2 days and being unbarably cold and shaking
-being able to eat 3 meals over those 3 days and almost passing out in line because of it
-having some of the people i was with get on the sick of talk guest list and therefore stop caring about waiting in line and worrying about getting in.
-nearly getting sun stroke in line
-sleeping in on sunday and getting to the line late
-having everyone with tickets laugh at me and rub it in my face while i was on the verge of tears(or at least pretty bummed)

i cant do the rest of this in point form its too much. basically we didnt line up saturday night because we kept checking CBs and no one was there yet and with all these rumours about getting kicked out of line from the cops, we didnt really know how to proceed. i wanted to wake up real early sunday and go but i guess no one else really cared too much cause i woke up at 10 and everyone was just sitting around and no one had woken me up. i seriously was feeling pretty hopeless this whole weekend. i tried to keep up my PMA but i was cranky/bummed/tired most of the time.

so we get to the line around 11:30 and its sort of big. not too big but maybe like 100 kids. it will take forever to give good details so basically there seemed little hope of them letting any of us in. rumours were flying around the line though which just got frusterating. i watched arthur get the people at the front of the line on the list and i almost cried with frusteration cause i wanted that to be me! i felt desperate and upset. we got in line anyways though and after a while everyone i was with left to get food or shop or whatever and i spent the most grueling, depressing, hot, uncomfortable 2 hours standing by myself feeling weak, seeing spots (combination of heat and not eating)

then all of a sudden i'm talking to a friend and i see civ walk by and my friend was just like wow i have never seen a sadder face (cause all i am thinking is wow there is fucking civ and i am not getting in to see this and i want to die) but then civ stops a few meters in front of me with this notebook and kids start crowding around so i am like holy shit and i dive into this mass of kids and push my way to the front and people are saying i came from cali i came from new hampshire and civ is PUTTING THEM ON A GUESTLIST and i start yelling I'M FROM CANADA I'M FROM CANADA 15 HOURS ON A BUS. and civ was like wow canada that counts whats your name? so he wrote down margo canada and that was that. i walked back to my friend not knowing what the hell just happened. was this a list of people they were TRYING to get in or was it for real?? so i stayed in line and some of my friends came back from eating and it just started POURING. there was this crazy wind too and everyone went from the hottest they'd ever been to the coldest and i felt like i was gonna get really sick. it just kept pouring rain too for like half an hour and finally some security guard came down the line saying "if you have tickets or are on a list go to the front" and so my friends wished me luck and i ran through the rain to the front. i was waiting in line with these huge dudes it was so weird. like total NYHC dudes from the 80s. sweet pete was right in front of me too and it was just cool. like there was no VIP people anymore. everyone was there for hardcore and everyone was on the same level. the guestlist was actually pretty obsolete cause it was just full of strangers (and in the end everyone who stuck it out in line got in)

ACTUAL SHOW CONTENT:

the first 3 bands were fine but really didnt matter. everyone was there for one reason only and that was pretty clear. after black train jack there was over an hour break before GB while they brought everyone inside who was still out in line. the place filled up and everyone stood there waiting for GB to come on and heckling the sound guys and security on stage ("START TODAY") finally they come out on stage and people start clapping and over the speakers you just hear the horns at the beginning of new direction and the entire room just EXPLODES. i have never seen or felt anything like that in my life. 400 people just lost their minds and were screaming the words at the top of their lungs climbing on each other hanging on things. i honestly cant describe how this felt. i have been to insane shows many times but nothing felt like this. people can say that with reunion shows, you cant capture the feeling of how the band really was and what it meant to people at that time, the urgency and origanality of what happened back then. but this brought an entirely different feeling i think. like these guys and this band arent like our fellow hardcore kids, they are our idols basically. like hardcore all stars or something. people who actually made a difference in our lives years ago with their music and their message. a band that probably got everyone in that room into hardcore. this was a feeling that they couldnt have back then that we can have now. a feeling that makes you want to wait in line overnight.

they went straight from new direction into stand still and i think these 6 minutes were probably the best of my life. after stand still i was litterally SHAKING. like my muscles were spasming because of the adrenaline rushing through my body and my excitement. that has never happened to me at a show before. maybe when i've been playing sports or something but thats it. it was incredible

they ended up playing everything they'd ever written including bsides and stuff. they mustve played for like an hour but i wasnt checking my watch or anything. they were everything you hoped they would be. civ was even x-ed up. he talked about hardcore about saving CBs about loving your scene, he was seriously the most positive dude. they even were throwing out free tshirts to the crowd. like 2 boxes full. i didnt get one but oh well i have the memories.

the only semi rockstar thing they did was leave the stage after pretending high hopes was their last song but they hadnt played start today yet so everyone just kind of stood their knowing they were coming back haha. ending on start today was insane. i love this band. i love hardcore. i love that all the shit i had to go through just made me appreciate it more. i love my life

after the show i talked to arthur and civ and shook hands with both of them and i can pretty much die down except i dont want to die because my life rules.

also more stupid shit happened after the show such as our car battery dying and having to get a boost and getting caught in the 3rd downpour AFTER changing into dry clothes and having the craziest storm every driving back to baltimore and thinking we might die. but it was sort of all a laugh after that show. like nothing could bring us down.

seriously. i love hardcore. sorry i felt the need to give so many details but i'm glad i wrote this down so i can remember a bit of how this felt.

the wonder years